


Love You Better

by Gallicenae



Series: Dragon Age - The Sun and the Moon [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Growing Old, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 11:32:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4390202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gallicenae/pseuds/Gallicenae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Solavellan based on Oh Land's song "Love You Better." I highly suggest listening to it at some point. Chapters contain Faelan Lavellan's PoV and/or Solas's. Each chapter ties in with a stanza from the song. Lyrics will be posted at the beginning of each chapter.</p><p>Lavellan is now an old woman at the end of her life. Solas has to deal with feels. Happy-ish ending? Maybe?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this before Trespasser came out, so consider this an AU one-shot.

I will love you better  
Better when I'm old  
I will love you better when I'm old  
I will wrap my arms around you  
And keep you from the cold  
I will love you better when I'm old

* * *

How many years had it been since she left Skyhold? Faelan looked at her hands, they were not as strong as they had been, not as supple or quick. She rubbed them together against the winter air. It must have been a long time judging by the way her arms had ached from carrying in the bundle of firewood. Her arms hadn’t hurt like that in years, and then it had been from her assassin training, not hauling sticks half a mile to her home.

Faelan sat in a simple chair by the fireplace, the flames making shadows dance across the walls of her simple hut. Leliana had made good on her word to help Faelan disappear when she was ready. The cottage was snug in a deep pocket of the Emerald Graves, away from anyone who wasn’t looking for it. And no one ever did.

Her fingers caressed the smooth wood of the figurine she’d carried since she was a child. The wolf’s ears had been worn down to gentle curves. “You’re getting soft in your old age Fen’Harel.” Faelan’s lips curved upward, but if one could have seen her face, it would not have appeared happy.

“You’ll have to take care.” She said those same words every winter. They had been wishful thinking at first, but at some point, perhaps when she felt the wrinkles lacing around her eyes, it had become a prayer. As much for herself as for Solas.

 

\---

 

Solas knew how far Faelan would venture to find what she needed, and having grown so used to these woods, she would go heedless of any danger. Her spirit had not dimmed in all these years of solitude, and Solas loved her for it. Faelan's body, however, was betraying her. With every step, it slowly grew more attached to the earth, sturdy in its purpose to give her roots.

He did what he could, ensuring kindling was never far and healing herbs were plentiful. And every so often, Solas would listen to her words from outside a window or the crack in the door. He would feel them change every year as her voice grew softer.

The air was fiercely cold in the darkness as he watched her sleeping in her chair. Embers from the fire glowed on the edge of death. Solas knew how to step so no living creature was disturbed, and he entered Faelan's home barely letting himself breathe. He knew where she kept the blankets, but the one on her bed was the warmest. Solas wrapped it about her, tucking in the corners to better hold her warmth. He added more wood to the fire to last into the morning before stopping to gaze upon her face.

Faelan's hair was streaked with grey, a scar he didn't remember cut down one side of her face, but her lips still parted in sleep the same way he knew. He kissed her head gently and sealed the door behind him.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

I will love you better  
Better when I'm blind  
I will love you better when I'm blind  
'Cause you'll always be a beauty  
Living in my mind  
I will love you better when I'm blind

* * *

It had been gradual, taking its time to become acquainted with Faelan, softening the edges of the leaves into a wash of green. She would rub her eyes to clear the fog, but it settled behind them more each day, as if she were constantly in a waking dream where details went unnoticed. And she grew afraid, realizing her seclusion.

Her vision left completely one morning as she awoke to darkness. The air was fresh with the smell of dew, but Faelan could not have seen how the wet grass glowed in the dawn. She sat up slowly, her hands clenching around the folds of her blanket. What was the last thing she remembered seeing clearly? Why hadn't she focused on branding it into her memory? Hadn't she known this was coming? Why hadn't she written to someone? Why hadn't she paid more attention?

Faelan's steps were hesitant, shuffling, her eyes open but burdensome. She did her best to keep them closed as she tried to focus on learning the corners of her home by touch. The simplest things became trials she did not feel she had the energy or the courage to overcome. So she found comfort when she slept, when her dreams gave back her sight and guided her to familiar faces. They would tell her such impossible stories, stories that made her smile, stories that made her forget.

 

\----

Solas knew something was different as he watched her dreams. Faelan no longer moved with her inherent confidence and self-assurity. She was cautious, hesitant, as if she would fall the moment she realized she was actually asleep. The pieces of her dream that he saw were unclear, as if behind a curtain. Faelan was muted, unfocused, drawing on distant memories she could string together, giving little attention to the Fade itself.

He had entered her dream, or rather a memory, of the end of her time in the Inquisition. She was alone on her balcony, gazing out at a miraculous sunset, the sky shifting around the scar of the Breach. He saw her as she had been, young, generous, ethereal.  _Vhenan._ The word stuck in his throat.

"I wish I could have seen you one last time." Her voice drifted.

Solas took a step toward her, emerging from the shadows, but she did not turn to him. "I am here," came out in a whisper.

The moment she cast her gaze on him, Solas knew, and his heart ached at the memory of her words.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faelan's perspective only.

When the rain is falling on the roof  
And the stars are hid from view  
When the moon is just a scar of light  
And the sky, a purple bruise  
I will wait here in the window  
'Til you come back again  
I will love you better then

* * *

Faelan leaned against the door-frame, a blanket over her legs as the early autumn breeze blew through the forest. She drank in the smell of the distant storm, her chest wheezing. No one would know. Perhaps an adventurer chosen to save the world years from now would stumble upon this place, stumble upon her, bones against an open door, the Inquisitor in all her forgotten glory.

Dying slowly was never something Faelan had thought about until recently. All those times she'd escaped, fought tooth and nail to take back her life, and here she was, slightly desperate to have it over and done with. She'd put her daggers away long ago and could not have walked far enough into the woods to be prey for beasts. The wrinkles on her face cluttered together as she laughed, a heaving dry sound of inevitability.

Her mind drifted to the companions she'd had so long ago, so different, so necessary, so worth everything they'd been through together. Coming out here, disappearing from more than just the world, but from them, they had probably never forgiven her for that. And Solas, how many lifetimes had he lived like this? How many more would he endure? How slowly would he fade away? How would he...

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas PoV

I will love you better  
Better when I'm gone  
I will love you better when I'm gone  
You'll be filling out the quiet  
Playing like a song  
I will love you better when I'm gone

* * *

Whatever power had remained in the anchor over the years, it found him, twining mournfully around Solas as he gathered potion ingredients. He had thought it a curiosity at first, but the energy was so forlorn, so broken… Herbs dropped to his feet, their scent filling his throat, suffocating. Solas wouldn't believe it, not until he saw her with his own eyes. 

And then he did. He was out of breath, his chest heaving, but he could see even from this distance that Faelan's spirit, that most astonishingly bright part of her, was gone. She was sitting on the threshold, as serenely as if she'd been sleeping. It was as if she had sat there to wait for something, for her death, or maybe, for him. He didn't feel the hard ground as it came up to meet his knees. He didn't notice the grove fall silent as he doubled over, all the memories of her love tearing him apart from the inside.

  
\----

  
She would have wanted to be buried properly, not according to what her people believed, but according to what Solas knew of the ancient ways. But Solas also knew how much she loved these trees, how entranced she was at the notion they were the embodiment of fallen elves. Faelan had always smiled at the thought that they still stood guard over this land, protecting it from darkness. He wanted to give her that. And perhaps part of him wanted to believe the foolish idea was just the slightest bit true.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faelan's PoV

When the world is frozen over  
And the oceans are on fire  
When the darkness overpowers light  
And the angels muted choir  
I will hide there in the meadows  
'Til you find me again  
I will love you better then

* * *

Everything shifted, even  _she_ was shifting, as if she had stepped into a world of smoke and wind. The shadows drifted through Faelan like a hand passing through fog. She felt light, lighter than she ever remembered being. There were others, but they paid her no attention, as if she had been nothing but air.

Wisps pranced above their heads, spinning and twirling between hazy shapes of people Faelan didn't recognize. She watched the bright ones play, followed them to and fro as she wandered farther from the listless columns of forgotten faces. The wisps became aware of Faelan's focus and slowly their playfulness faded. Some went of in pairs while others wander back alone. She waited, not completely understanding why.

The smallest was the only one left. It swam in lazy circles around Faelan's head before seeking out the hand that once held the anchor. That it was gone had not occurred to Faelan before now. She lifted her hand to the small sprite, palm turned up, and the wisp nestled in the center. It was the first real thing she'd felt since arriving in this place. The sensation immediately manifested around Faelan, using her as the focal point. A grassy hill sprang up underneath her feet, and a sky not entirely blue, but purple, swirled overhead. Faelan could see in the distance the ruins of an ancient structure, ghostly spires shimmering atop the physical remains. The wisp guided her forward, its energy tugging her along in earnest. 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faelan's PoV

I will love you best  
Best when I forget  
I will love you best when I forget  
Cause you made your promises  
Not a one of them you kept  
I will love you best when I forget, when I forget  
I will love you better then

* * *

Faelan put a hand on the stones, feeling their history as if it happened to be as natural as carrying on a conversation. She could see it flash in images before her eyes, but never completely taking her away from the place. The People, the elves of long ago, came here. This had been a place of learning and meditation, a place of rebirth and renewal. Walls had been lined with books and delicate machinery Faelan couldn't understand. There had been light everywhere, but not lit from any candle or veilfire. She felt the wisp tug, encouraging her to continue forward to explore the forgotten places of these walls.

She walked through a corridor and into what had once been a garden with arches of greenery and lights sparkling down from the trees. A place where spirits seemed to come and go as they pleased. She saw one of the ancient elves sitting under the largest tree, his eyes closed in contemplation. His hair was tied back from his crown in long dreads, and the expression etched across his face was stern, yet somehow troubled. Faelan found him somehow familiar, but could't be sure of why until she spotted the jawbone twined about his neck. Her feet moved unbidden through the grass, and she crouched down before him in one smooth motion, reaching out for the talisman.

His hand snatched her wrist moments before Faelan was able to touch the bone resting atop his bare chest. His eyes opened, raging and feral, staring up at her as though she had been his prey the entire time. Then, inexplicably, they softened, widening from disbelief as he took all of her into his gaze. He loosened his grip, his thumb caressing her hand.

"Vhenan?"

 


End file.
